Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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