i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
