do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
