I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
