I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
