Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
