I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize