All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
