so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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