someone threw a dead crab at me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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