Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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