Me. At least after what I've been through.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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