Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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