Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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