he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
