But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
