please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize