I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
