You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
