We won't sleep together?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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