Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
