o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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