yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
