He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
