I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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