I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
