i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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