Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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