he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
