you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
