If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
