Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
