I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
