I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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