who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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