I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize