So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
