I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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