why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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