he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
