She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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