the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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