Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
