yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
