I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
