Already got asked if we're dating
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
