drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just high enough for therapy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
