I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
