In the future we'll all be gay
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
