babies were throwing up all over the place
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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