why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
