It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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