Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
