Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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