I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
