It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
