Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
