I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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