clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
