i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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