For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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