my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
