i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
