that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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