...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
